new (and old) music friday #55: slayyyter, allie x, daya, GRACEY, cascada, rebecca black

as the 34658th week of the UK's national lockdown draws to a close, it's hard to think of anything to be excited about beyond the fact that it now goes dark at 5pm instead of 4 and drag race UK every thursday.

the last few weeks haven't been good for new music either, and i've struggled to find songs that i've wanted to write about, hence why i haven't uploaded anything here since the end of december.

last month i joined vocal after weeks of being bombarded with instagram adverts, where creators can earn money for each post they publish, and while i was sent an email about a guy who made $2000 a month from just one article, my total earnings are currently $0.03, which is roughly 22p.

nevertheless, it gives me an outlet to write more in-depth album reviews, and my first post was dedicated to miley cyrus' long awaited and somewhat lacklustre album plastic hearts, which can be read here.

then just two weeks later, producer SOPHIE died in an accident at her home in athens, and while other people have written about her impact on pop music far more eloquently than i ever could, it's something i still have to mention as it's the first time i've felt the loss of an artist so intensely since david bowie died in 2016.

it wasn't just her musical output that will be sorely missed, but the sense of community that she and the other artists from PC music have cultivated over the last few years, giving anyone who felt alone or misunderstood access to a group of likeminded people, and i know i would never have discovered girls night out and the friends i have today if it wasn't for them. 

luckily her legacy will continue through the genre that is now widely known as "hyperpop" and artists such as 100 gecs, dorian electra and of course charli xcx, whose total sonic overhaul wouldn't have been possible without SOPHIE's input on the vroom vroom EP, which i still believe is her best work. 

so apart from playing immaterial on repeat, these are the other artists that i've been enjoying recently. 

1.  slayyyter

i usually save my favourite song till last, but i just had to break the rules today and mention troubled paradise first, as i'm fairly certain this will remain my favourite song of 2021, even though it's only february.

as is often the case with slayyyter, she began teasing the song via twitter on the 18th january and i instantly knew it would be her best song yet.

i was slightly disappointed with the singles she'd released before troubled paradise, and feared she was moving away from the pop sound that made me love her early singles such as i'm high and platform shoes, but luckily she has returned to her electro-pop roots and i'm all for it.

she also announced her debut album of the same name will be released on june 11th, and i'm praying for more Huge Bops and iconic music videos.

2. allie x 

another Absolute Banger i've had on repeat is GLAM! by allie x. 

much like slayyyter, i adored her early releases like catch, prime and bitch as well as the excellent album super sunset, all of which featured an 80s-inspired sound. 

but when she released cape god last february, i just couldn't get into the more ~experimental~ sound she'd chosen to explore, lamenting the lack of bops. 

so imagine my joy when she released GLAM! last week, a demo from 2013 that never made it onto her debut album collXtion I. 

as she explained in this instagram post, she wanted the track to sound like heaven is a place on earth, and the 80s sound that made me fall in love with her can be heard all over the track.

3. daya

i'd never paid much attention to daya until she released bad girl, a mid-tempo synth-driven bop that could only have been written by a scorpio. 

it seems that the bisexual community is finally getting the representation it deserves, first with rina sawayama's excellent single LUCID and now this. 

daya came out in 2018 and bad girl is an ode to her girlfriend that sees her turning her back on the male gaze, declaring "i already know just what i like". 

it's a sentiment i really appreciate after years of people - both in and out of the LGBT community - not taking my sexuality seriously and assuming i must be straight because i don't look stereotypically "gay" - whatever that means - and i hope it provides a similar sense of reassurance to other people who have also experienced this.  

4. GRACEY 

now for something slightly more subdued, something that rarely happens on this blog. 

as a long time lover of Big Pop Songs - the origins of this obsession can probably be traced back to i wanna dance with somebody by whitney houston - i was surprised that i enjoyed GRACEY's EP the art of closure so much.  

she first made it big when she appeared on don't need love with producer and DJ 220 kid; the song charted at number 9 in the UK. 

this was followed by alone in my room (gone), which was one of the songs in the popjustice twenty quid music prize. 

i'd always enjoyed the track and found myself listening to it more and more after the judging, so when the full EP arrived, i was instantly obsessed with don't, another mid-tempo track about someone who just won't commit, and 99%, a far more upbeat song that's one of my favourites from the last year. 

hopefully a full length album will follow and her postponed headline tour will finally take place at some point in the future so i can scream along to alone in my room after half a bottle of (overpriced) wine. 

5. ally brooke

the pandemic has resulted in me becoming a Huge Fan of several ~mainstream~ artists i'd previously ignored, and one of them was ally brooke, who rose to fame as part of girl group fifth harmony (i've never been an avid listener of theirs, but i still maintain that sledgehammer is one of the best songs of the last decade).

following the group's "indefinite hiatus" in 2018, she released a string of solo singles, the first of which was low key, an RnB inspired track featuring tyga that i didn't really pay much attention to.

the next few singles were a bit hit and miss, but naturally i found myself drawn to the disco-pop sound of no good, as well as her forays into the world of dance such as feeling dynamite and all night.

the disco-pop sound can also be found on what are we waiting for? - also with afrojack - and dance it off, her latest collaboration with laidback luke, as well as the dannic remix of said song.

i'm glad to see she's embracing the pop sound that made her so successful rather than distancing herself from it - as so many artists who were part of a girl or boy band often do - and hopefully a bop-filled full length album will follow sometime in the future. 

6. troye sivan/kacey musgraves/mark ronson

when troye sivan released easy, i felt like it was definitely one of his best songs, and just when i thought it couldn't get any better, he blessed us with a new version featuring vocals from country star kacey musgraves and production by mark ronson.

initially i wasn't sure what to make of it as i've always despised country music and found kacey's texan drawl mildly annoying, but the new order-inspired production gives the song a bit of a ~kick~ that the original was missing.

as a result, i now find myself favouring the new version and have even made peace with kacey's vocals, as lyrically her verse adds a new level of devastation to the break-up-in-progress song.

7. leann rimes

recently i've been getting Really Into Remixes, often preferring them to the original version of a track as they can provide more of a dancefloor feel.

nowhere is this more evident than on the dave audé remix of leann rimes' classic track can't fight the moonlight.

i vividly remember being obsessed with the original when it was first released in 2000 (!) as part of the coyote ugly soundtrack.

much like all the things she said, the music video definitely contributed to my bisexuality, as the scantily clad barmaids awakened a feeling in me i couldn't explain as a child.

nowadays it's a mix of attraction and envy as i would love nothing more than to perform an iconic bar-based dance routine for a crowd of drunken strangers, but while going to Tha Club is still not an option, this club-ready remix of can't fight the moonlight has been making lockdown 1% more bearable.

it takes the already dramatic power ballad and gives it a disco-inspired twist, and the key change is somehow made even more dramatic, meaning it will be a classic in my Getting Ready To Go Out playlist for years to come.

8. nicole scherzinger 

always on the lookout for what most people would consider "trashy" pop music, i was overjoyed when my friend sent me a spotify link to nicole scherzinger's song killer love, from the album of the same name. 

released in 2011, it's what i call Peak Pop production, featuring plenty of Huge Choruses and the synth-driven sound that made lady gaga such a huge star back in 2008. 

so naturally once i'd played killer love 300 times, i listened to the rest of the album, which is definitely a Mixed Bag. 

the first half is absolutely iconic, partly because it contains poison and don't hold your breath, both of which were released as singles and reached the top 10 in the UK charts. 

another highlight is of course wet, which never fails to make me Lose My Shit every time i hear it, but there were also a few other songs i'm now obsessed with. 

as the name suggests, club banger nation deserves to be played at full volume to a heaving crowd at 3am, while say yes is another Huge Bop and my personal favourite from the album.

after club banger nation however, things veer into Sad Piano Ballad territory, made bearable only by low-key bop heartbeat, featuring enrique iglesias. 

there's also collaborations with both 50 cent and sting, neither of which really add anything to the album, but luckily try with me stops the second half of killer love being a total snooze fest. 

reminiscent of katy perry's part of me, the track starts out slowly with a piano-driven verse before launching into an absolutely Huge Chorus that would make it an excellent karaoke song. 

overall the album serves as a time capsule to the glory days of pop and while i was too ashamed to embrace my love of it at the time, i now play it proudly at full blast, probably to the annoyance of my family.

9. cascada

i found myself listening to cascada the other day and while i've previously written about them, i uncovered a whole album that i'd never heard of, despite it being released in 2011. 

while most people know the eurodance group for their Massive Hits like everytime we touch, miracle and evacuate the dancefloor, their album original me didn't receive the same critical acclaim. 

marking a departure from their trademark eurodance sound, it was their least commercially successful release as none of the singles received airplay on UK radio and they were dropped from robbins entertainment, their US label. 

this could explain why i wasn't familiar with it, as i only discovered the first track san fransisco in 2018. 

listening to the rest of the album however, i was instantly obsessed with the production, which is reminiscent of heidi montag's impeccable debut superficial, another 2010 classic. 

highlights include sinner on the dancefloor, au revior, night nurse and pyromania - reminiscent of lady gaga's track the fame - but my favourite has to be stalker, a bop so powerful it literally brought me to tears. 

whether it was a change of musical direction or lack of promotion, it's a crime that this album didn't get the recognition it deserved as it showed the group's willingness to experiment with a different sound, perhaps as a result of critics calling their debut album "repetitive" and "unoriginal". 

nevertheless, i'll be playing it on repeat and dreaming of the days when we can return to the dancefloor.

10. rebecca black 

wednesday marked the tenth anniversary of rebecca black's viral hit friday, which did not go down well with critics and listeners alike, though she didn't let this deter her and has continued releasing music over the years, most recently the excellent girlfriend. 

i'd completely forgotten about her and the friday debacle until she appeared on edgelord with dorian electra, and it seems she's found a solid fanbase in the world of hyperpop. 

the joy of this rapidly growing musical movement is its ability to embrace artists who might not be accepted in mainstream circles, and so comfortable is black in this arena that she recruited dorian electra, big freedia and 3OH!3 for a remix of the track. 

the result is a hyperpop classic that will no doubt be passed down through generations, featuring production from none other than dylan brady. 

while the original lyrics were heavily criticised, in a post-ironic world where anything goes - so much so that black released saturday - a "sequel" to her first single - in 2013 - the song has reaffirmed its status as something of a cult classic and will no doubt introduce black to a whole new fan base that were too young to experience the hysteria of friday the first time around. 

new (and old) music friday #45: harry styles, LIZ, miley cyrus, mabel

this week i've experienced everything from almost getting a rescue dog to yet another frustrating almost-interview, in which i arrived only to be told the digital marketing position i'd applied for had been filled and my CV had somehow been mixed up with the people who were applying for another job that involved assisting the receptionists and answering phones, i.e. my worst nightmare. 

i also returned to the job centre, something that would have devastated me a few months ago, but with my new-found attitude of Not Having A Breakdown About Every Tiny Thing, i'm trying not to let it bother me. luckily i'm heading to malaga tomorrow until tuesday, and though i'm not someone who cares about going on holiday regularly, i think some time away is definitely needed. 

but before that i have a backlog of bangers that need to be discussed.

1. harry styles 

it's hard to believe that two years have gone by since harry styles released his incredible self-titled debut album, but new single lights up picks up where he left off, albeit slightly more mellow.  
his "step into the light" could have many meanings. first, the literal feeling of stepping into the morning light when a party ends, still slightly drunk. secondly, it could be seen as an opportunity to tell the world who he really is after years of speculation about his sexuality.

fans took this idea and ran with it after the song and its (excellent) video were released on national coming out day, but by this point we really should know better than to expect a straightforward answer from him. either way, it's definitely helped me to be more comfortable with my own sexuality, and when he asks "do you know who you are?" i feel like i'm edging ever closer to an answer*. 

(*this could also be thanks to tegan and sara's newly-released memoir high school, which i read cover to cover in just two days. it's easy to think of successful artists as just that, any struggles they've previously experienced erased once they sign their names on the dotted line of a recording contract, so reading about sara's ongoing struggles with her sexuality reassures me that Coming Out isn't a singular moment that solves all of one's problems but a lifelong process. it also lead to several revelations about my own high school experiences as i realise that i actually did have feelings for all the girls i simply "admired" and "wanted to be friends with".) 

2. miley cyrus

miley cyrus has been making headlines lately thanks to her divorce from liam hemsworth and rebound relationships with both kaitlynn carter and cody simpson, all of which coincided with the release of slide away. the song was largely unmemorable, but when i saw a youtube comment about how it was like the modern equivalent of her 2008 track bottom of the ocean, i immediately felt compelled to re-listen to the accompanying album, breakout.

my 13-year-old self played this on repeat, and i'll always be of the opinion that it's miley's best work to date. 

there's something for everyone, from karaoke-friendly bops such as her country take on girls just wanna have fun, title track breakout and of course the iconic 7 things. there's also a largely unchanged remix of see you again, which is undoubtedly the best song from the hannah montana 2/meet miley cyrus album, which i owned on CD (!).  

forget greta thunberg, as wake up america proves that miley was the true inventor of climate change protests. the inspiration for the song came from an episode of the miley and mandy show, a youtube series created by cyrus and her friend mandy jiroux, which i vividly remember watching as a teenager and being devastated about its ending. in this particular episode, the duo encourage everyone to recycle, save and reuse plastic bottles, and use organic products with no harsh chemicals. perhaps if more people had followed their advice back in 2008, we wouldn't be in such a predicament now. 

most millennials have become well acquainted with the idea of "burnout" thanks to an article by buzzfeed writer anne helen petersen, but miley was once again ahead of her time as this concept is explored on the track simple song. the constant pressure cyrus experienced during her hannah montana heyday forms the basis of this track, which also features a piano backing to rival elton john (yes, really).  

there are still plenty of classic break-up songs though; highlights include these four walls, goodbye and my personal favourites, the driveway - with its avril lavigne-inspired electric guitar and fantastically dramatic chorus - and full circle, which was written about her on again/off again relationship with nick jonas.  

3. SOPHIE/starrah

by far my most played this week, lock it up is yet another unreleased SOPHIE bop from 2016 which resurfaced online after being played on BBC radio 1's TNGNT show last week. why she refuses to release such bangers is beyond me, and several youtube channels have been set up as a place to find all of her unreleased songs in one place. perhaps she wants to be seen as a more ~serious~ artist as her debut album oil of every pearl's un-insides had a far more experimental feel and was nominated for a grammy this year. 

it's a world away from the carefully crafted bubblegum pop that sends fans into meltdown every time she unveils a new track, and this is no exception. featuring charli xcx collaborator starrah on vocals, my favourite thing about lock it up is the fact she uses female pronouns to describe her ~love interest~, something still rarely heard in pop music despite all the progress being made. whether we'll ever be blessed with an official version of this track remains to be seen, but for now i'll be playing it on loop and keeping my fingers crossed. 

4. kim petras 

miss petras came THROUGH with some more spooky bops with the release of turn off the light. rather than release it as volume 2, she decided to combine the songs from volume 1 to create a full length album, and i'm living for it. it's about as much enjoyment as i'll ever get from halloween, which is also my birthday, but to most people's amazement i despise dressing up and any kind of themed party. luckily death by sex, wrong turn and my favourite track there will be blood will make the occasion slightly more bearable this year, and i'm praying they'll be played at girls night out, the unofficial after party of charli xcx's manchester gig the night before halloween.  

i must also give an honourable mention to the impeccable video for icy, which is quite possibly my favourite song of the year so far, and after getting a ticket to see kim live next year i have a feeling this track will be the highlight of her set. 

5. mabel

i've never paid much attention to mabel as she's been releasing incredibly mediocre songs since 2015, and am still baffled as to why she supported harry styles on tour in 2017. her rather dull mix of pop and R&B felt totally at odds with the glam rock sound of david bowie and marc bolan which he channelled on his album. 

but everything changed with god is a dancer, a recent collaboration with tiesto. as soon as i heard this i knew it had potential to be a Huge Banger, and i can confirm that it Fucking Slaps, though that could have been thanks to the three (3) drinks i'd consumed before it was played in Tha Club. 

it's also an excellent walking-around-town song, guaranteed to make you feel like That Bitch, so i'm praying her next album will contain more of the same.

6. LIZ

last but not least it's LIZ, who i never fully got into until i heard sunscreen a few weeks ago. it's yet another unreleased bop with SOPHIE on production, but that could be set to change as LIZ replied to charli xcx's already infamous tweet asking if anyone had a link to taxi (part of me wants to believe she could be gearing up to release it but i'm trying not to get my hopes up) saying "it’s with sunscreen in PC purgatory". she later tweeted herself that she was "just kidding" as the song is "thriving" and "getting ready for its debut". this seems like a far more sincere statement than that of miss XCX, who has always enjoyed trolling her fans, so hopefully sunscreen will actually be released soon.

in the meantime i've been loving a)lottery - which is inspired by slayyyter and blackout-era britney spears in equal measure and features a flawless cameo from drag race alumni aja - and b) her latest release laguna nights which she described as "teenage dream and the one that got away mashed up together" (anyone with taste knows teenage dream is one of the best songs from the last decade) and was inspired by "the idea of lost and rekindled love, on the beach, and for one night only", while sonically it reminds me of fame-era lady gaga. 

rollercoaster ride, in the fast lane: rejections, reflections and the healing power of pop

disclaimer: this post contains very little in the way of music and is instead an accumulation of my thoughts and feelings over the past two weeks that i needed to get out of my system in the only way i know how; an unnecessarily long blog post. usual service will resume next time as i talk about the mix of Bops and Bangers i had on repeat while all this was taking place.

i’ve been obsessive for as long as i can remember: perhaps it’s the taurus in me.

famous for being “creatures of habit”, once we like something, we tend to stick with it.

obsession has taken on various guises throughout my almost 24 (!) years on earth, be it music, fashion, unrequited crushes, and of course My Career.

in my birth chart, the earth sign taurus represents my midheaven sign, which according to wikipedia represents “career, status, aim in life, aspirations and public reputation” and could explain why it’s a topic i’ve covered at length on this blog.

after an incredibly stressful two weeks, one of my refinery29 horoscopes for this week asked me to “write your career goals and accomplishments down to get perspective on what you’ve accomplished this year”, so here i am attempting to do just that.

i started out the year struggling to complete my news associates course and writing for about manchester, before being offered the job at VIBBIDI in april and later writing for conversations about her.

in the meantime, i’ve also been attempting to find a Proper (i.e. paid) Job, and it dawned on me that in the last two months i’ve had six (!) interviews, none of which have led to said job.

two weeks ago, one of these interviews saw me travelling to london for the first time in two years (!!) after applying for a copywriting job at a fashion brand and completing a written test which they seemed to like the look of. in the words of lizzie mcguire, this is what dreams – specifically those of my 15-year-old self – are made of… or so i thought.

i boarded the train to euston filled with a mixture of dread and excitement, which upon arrival at brick lane - an area that has remained largely unchanged since i first set foot in this slightly pretentious section of east london aged 16 - descended into full on disassociation as i browsed the excellent vintage market, sat in the window of a pret a manger pretending to enjoy an overpriced salad and tried not to die from the 26 degree heat. 

after so many rejections, i couldn’t quite process the idea that the Dream Job my teenage self once envisioned could be in my grasp if i didn’t fuck up the interview; no pressure then.

overall i think it went okay, but i couldn’t help feel intimidated by the CEO of the company - who also happened to be interviewing me - and found her incredibly hard to read. despite reassuring myself that there was nothing more i could have done, it was impossible to shake the nauseous feeling that descended on me once i left the building and it followed me around for the rest of the day.

sadly, i never heard back from them, and if it had been any other job, i would have brushed it off and continued to scour indeed for more positions, but this was the one job i could seriously imagine myself doing, despite the slightly frosty reaction i received.

over the last year, i’ve been following a self-prescribed course of binge-reading ask polly letters and absorbing every word of jessica dore’s daily tarot card readings to try and force myself to become more ~positive~ and see the good in all of these rejections, but though i now accept that failure, embarrassment and rejection are normal parts of life, i still find it incredibly hard to apply these pearls of wisdom to my own predicaments and continue to assume the worst in 99.9% of situations.

in fact, it was a recent ask polly letter that truly had me In My Feelings. despite describing herself as “successful in my creative career” and “social and hardworking”, the letter writer was obsessed with the idea that her boyfriend would eventually leave her, despite there being no obvious problems in their relationship. while i’m none of the things described above and have been single for approximately 350 years, her fears instantly resonated with me, and when i read polly’s response, i felt both attacked and validated.

there were a few paragraphs that really resonated with me but particularly this one:

“working very hard and being focused on your career can be a way of trying to feel whole. people who are successful at creative careers often have a long history of funnelling their obsessive energy toward some goal: they socialise with a vengeance, they work hard, and they channel their insecurities and longings into figuring out how to be persuasive and entertaining. their intense emotional insecurity drives them to crack the code: this is how you entertain people and win their love. this is how you charm people and convince them to put their confidence in you. this is how you seduce new friends and new lovers. this is how you squeeze every last ounce of love out of this broken world.”

it pretty much sums up how i’ve lived my life for the last eight years; trying desperately to achieve my dream of working in fashion and moving to london as i was convinced that it would fix all my problems. however, reading letters such as this one has made it clear that achieving these particular goals doesn’t stop you from being anxious and obsessing over things out of your control, and the interview made me realise that perhaps the ultra-competitive world of fashion isn't something i truly want. nevertheless, the day after the interview, i felt like i was on a comedown of sorts. having seen what’s possible made it even harder to return to my small bedroom in a small suburban town and i found myself in the midst of yet another existential crisis.

it was then that i stumbled across an article from the cut, titled “what makes ambition come and go?” where the author reflected on how her ambitions have changed since her early 20s. 

this paragraph about her “job ambitions” felt particularly significant:

“i wanted recognition, to earn a spot at a particular table, to impress a certain segment of people. at one point when i was 27, i had a blog post go viral, and watching its traffic numbers rise on chartbeat, i felt like i was high. i remember thinking that everything in the world could go wrong from then on out, but no one could take this one thing away from me. it seemed like the beginning of something, but also felt like an ending — an item i was subconsciously crossing off my list.”

i had an extremely similar feeling last year when one of my posts was retweeted by lily allen. seeing the endless stream of likes, retweets and messages from people telling me how much they liked my writing was a feeling unlike any other, but i also knew it wouldn’t last forever. a few days later, my moment of ~viral fame~ came skidding to a halt and i was left thinking “what now?”

thanks to my positivity crusade, i now have the emotional intelligence to realise that a moment is just that; it happens and life goes on. however, it feels like my life has been an endless roller coaster of dizzying highs (see: the work-related achievements i’ve had this year) and devastating lows (see: the various rejections and jobs that felt like they were in touching distance, only to escape my grasp).

this brings me to my final article, which i read last week.

man repeller’s nora taylor wrote about drastically overhauling her life in her late 20s by leaving a job she wasn’t happy in and the joy of feeling “regular” once she'd found it, her life no longer dictated by the extreme highs and lows of trying to Follow Your Dreams.

once again i found myself relating to her story of running from one job to the next, making and breaking friendships and leaving one big city for another, all in the hopes that it would fix everything. like me, she spent several years pressing the self-destruct button before realising that the only person who can change things is you, and the answers can’t be found at the bottom of a shot glass or on the lips of strangers.

picking a favourite paragraph is hard, but i went with this:

“growing up the second time, where my desires and my life are layered on top of each other and not on parallel tracks, has been a thrilling type of puberty. i am finally free to live my life instead of observe it. how nice it is to revel in the mundane. to sit with a friend over coffee and pause to be thankful for where we are, for the life we live.”

it gives me something to aspire to, but something about this particular dream feels different.

for so long i believed those highs and lows were completely normal and almost enjoyable; who wants to live a boring life? but as i find myself on the cusp of 25 (help me), all i really want is a sense of stability. this desire has always been there, and it’s probably what prompted me to take various antidepressants during my time at uni, only to be horrified by their ability to completely dull any and every emotion i attempted to experience.

so i stopped taking them, choosing the sambuca-soaked nights and questionable decisions that everyone in their late teens chooses to make while away from home for the first time over that sense of stability.

while i can no longer deal with the hangovers and that delightful cocktail of shame and anxiety i often feel the day after a big night out, ironically last saturday turned out to be the best night out i’ve ever had.

following my second time seeing hannah diamond at soup kitchen, i experienced an exhilarating high that can only be achieved with the music of charli xcx, kim petras, slayyyter and SOPHIE, courtesy of girls night out.

the club night first started in london and made its way up north for the unofficial hannah diamond after party, and it was there in the company of some very kind strangers who danced with me all night that i felt a semblance of peace.

when used in the right way, alcohol can enhance my experiences and give me that slight boost of confidence i lack in my everyday life, and that night was a perfect example. 

yelling the words to unlock it at the top of my lungs, it was a world away from how i used alcohol at university to take the edge off my emotions and deal with various traumatic experiences which occurred around that time. 

i’m not sure if time does heal all wounds; while some of them have started to form a scar, an ever-present reminder of a particular pain i’ve experienced, others very much still feel like a gaping hole. these are the ones i’m trying to repair, while acknowledging that it’s not something that can happen overnight.

in summary: the last two weeks have been a wild ride and though everything feels uncertain right now, i now know that i can use all the knowledge i’ve acquired this year and the series of rejections i’ve endured to Keep Going and create the life i truly want, without compromising my own boundaries and integrity. 

new (and old) music friday #43: ava max, SOPHIE, lina hedlund, swim deep

today marks the start of the august bank holiday, which means two things are underway: 

1) manchester pride: a celebration which has always had a slightly cursed energy both times i've attended. last year i took a gamble and bought a ticket for the first time in five years, only to end up spending most of the weekend with people i hardly knew as my new meetup friend was horrendously flaky and failed to let me know exactly what our plans were for each day. by sunday i decided to skip the festivities altogether and bad weather meant i missed out on seeing rita ora, something i'm still low-key mad about. this year i'll be watching the celebrations unfold via social media and i couldn't be happier, even though i'll be missing out on performances from kim petras and actual ariana grande.  

2) reading and leeds festival, which i also had the misfortune of attending in 2016. the onslaught of rain which didn't let up until the final day quite literally put a dampener on things, and as someone who already hated spending more than 5 seconds outside at a time, it put me off camping for life, and the smell of the toilets - which got gradually worse as the weekend unfolded - still haunts me to this day. so for the last three years i've watched highlights of the festival from the comfort of my own living room, and this year will be no exception. 

this brings us nicely to this week's selection of new music, which includes two artists on the bill for reading and leeds this year. 

1. the 1975 

of course i had to start with people, the long awaited new single from my all-time favourite band. the manchester four piece took to radio 1 last night to get fans excited before the premiere of the song, and i thoroughly enjoyed their chat with annie mac, which saw them reminiscing about their own experiences at leeds festival as teenagers, and now headliners (!). as always, i had no idea what to expect, but it seems like the inevitable Emo Revival has officially begun. with a screamo vocal to rival oli sykes and guitar riffs straight out of danger days, it sounds like something my 14-year-old self would have devoured, and though i'm an out and proud pop lover these days, people still speaks to that part of me which always felt slightly ~misunderstood~. 

in keeping with title track the 1975, it's another call to arms which urges the powers that be to "stop fucking with the kids" and do something about the already devastating effects of climate change. i also particularly enjoy the pre-chorus, with its demands to "bring me everything here". as i mentioned earlier, i'm someone who definitely doesn't like going outside, so i feel both attacked and vindicated. i'm fairly certain the song will cause one of the biggest mosh pits reading and leeds have ever seen, and a few broken bones too, making me even more relieved that i can watch it all at home. 

2. charli xcx/sky ferreira 

another artist appearing at reading and leeds this weekend, charli xcx has continued her impeccable run of singles in the lead up to her third album with cross you out, which features the iconic sky ferreira. i have a lot of feelings about her debut album night time, my time that i'm going to be putting into words in a post next week, so when i heard she was collaborating with charli i was ecstatic. the track certainly doesn't disappoint; as always it's super synth-heavy and provides a cathartic release for charli as it's about "leaving someone toxic behind and finally feeling free", something i can definitely ~relate~ to. i've already spent the last few days blasting it at full volume and would highly recommend you do the same. 

3. swim deep

though i find myself feeling frustrated with my current "work" situation (for reasons i obviously won't elaborate on here), i'm eternally grateful that i'm able to listen to albums that won't be released for a few months, and one of them is emerald classics by birmingham indie rock/pop/psychedelic band swim deep. i first became aware of them in my teens and played tracks like king city, honey and orange county endlessly. 

very few ~indie~ bands have survived the initial mid-2000s boom and continue to make excellent music, but along with peace and the wombats, swim deep can definitely be added to the list. when i saw the link to listen to emerald classics i had mixed feelings, wondering if it was purely nostalgia that has kept me interested in the band, but all my doubts fell away once i pressed play. 

the album won't be released until october 4th so i don't want to risk sharing anything i probably shouldn't, but i was pleased to see one of my favourite songs sail away, wave goodbye is on spotify, along with the anthemic lead single to feel good, which has received a seal of approval from matty healy himself. 

4. MUNA

everyone's favourite sad-pop pioneers came through with a self-described "trauma banger" that had me in tears just a few seconds in. stayaway follows a similar train of thought as charli's cross you out as it encompasses that feeling of not only trying to distance yourself from a toxic person or situation, but actually staying away for good. of course, it wouldn't be a MUNA track without their 80s-leaning production which is what i like to think wilson phillips would have embraced if they were part of the millennial generation, and i'm hoping their upcoming album saves the world will contain more depression-curing bangers.

5. SOPHIE

i became aware of reason why via twitter and as soon as i saw the track included vocals from kim petras i knew it would be a banger to rival her best track 1, 2, 3 dayz up, also featuring SOPHIE. i've no idea if this song will ever see the light of day via an official release or whether it will suffer the same fate as taxi, but i'm praying SOPHIE will bless us with a studio version. seeing as it's a leak, i fear this song could be deleted from soundcloud at any minute so i want to get in as many listens as i can just in case that happens and would highly recommend everyone else do the same.

6. cxloe 

it's incredibly rare for an artist to release an impeccable string of songs, but australian pop sensation cxloe has managed to achieve this since she began releasing music last year. i've had tracks such as show you, low blow, tough love and i can't have nice things on repeat over the last few months and her latest single SICK might just be her best yet. the stupidly catchy track has cemented her admittance into "the gold zone", a term coined by popjustice editor peter robinson, in which an artist releases three excellent singles in a row. other major pop stars should absolutely take note, as cxloe's unsigned status proves that an artist doesn't need a huge team behind them to propel them into the open arms of stan twitter. 

7. ava max

speaking of major pop stars, i'm absolutely bemused at the rapid ascension of ava max. it seems like out of nowhere her single sweet but psycho was all over the radio and blaring out of the speakers every time i went out, and i quickly tired of hearing the sub-par song. she then followed it up with so am i, which i'm fairly sure uses the exact same structure and melody, just with different lyrics. her latest offering torn didn't excite me either, but after perusing her spotify page i came across freaking me out. this song seems to have slipped through the cracks somewhat as i'd never heard it before, but the largely acoustic track features an incredibly pleasing synth-tinged chorus that for some reason left me with goosebumps. it doesn't really morph into anything huge, but i can't stop playing it and feeling that it hasn't had the promotion it deserves. 

8. client liason

i suspect popjustice were also responsible for my introduction to this track by another australian artist called client liaison. though i was unfamiliar with them, they're clearly famous enough to have a wikipedia page, which describes them as an "indie pop" duo signed to parlophone. the song in question is the real thing, which is exactly what the sound by the 1975 would have sounded (ha) like if it had been released in 1987. i can also imagine rick astley adding his silky smooth vocals to the track and it would fit right in with anything stock aitken waterman produced at the time. 

put simply, it's an Absolute Tune that makes me ridiculously happy every time i hear it. australia has a reputation for being somewhat behind the rest of the world in terms of fashion and music, but in this case i'm totally not mad about it; their debut album diplomatic immunity is the best of wham!, duran duran, depeche mode and abc repackaged for a younger set of music lovers and i just can't get enough. 

9. lina hedlund 

deeper love is another popjustice find that i'm obsessed with. 
a quick google search of lina hedlund reveals she was a member of alcazar, one of sweden's biggest disco groups; their 1999 song crying at the discotheque apparently charted in the US, japan and brazil. 

she made her solo debut with the song victorious (also a bit of a banger), which she performed at "melodifestivalen" earlier this year, which appears to be the swedish equivalent of x factor. she reached the final with the song but was beaten by john lundvik, whose phenomenal track too late for love ended up representing sweden at this year's eurovision; i knew there had to be a connection somehow. 

if they have any sense, she should be representing the country at next year's competition as i can imagine deeper love being a crowd favourite. but whether she makes it to the netherlands or not, i'll still be playing this track every time i get ready to go out.