let's show them we are better: daydreams, defiance and democracy

maybe it's because i'm now in my final months of uni and will soon be entering The Real World, but i've been feeling even more nostalgic/introspective/emotional than usual (delete where applicable). this week i finished my dissertation, aka the last academic essay i'll probably ever write, and though i'm incredibly relieved that my final year of education is coming to an end, i can't help feel nostalgic and have been reminiscing about when i first moved away. at the time things were pretty terrible, but looking back it's the sense that anything was possible and my grades didn't really matter that i miss most. at one point i was also going out three times a week, something i long to get back to, but i'm sure my liver is grateful that i've scaled back on my drinking somewhat.

like my relationship with alcohol, my feelings towards my hometown have also been tumultuous. it's something i've written about extensively on this blog but still find myself constantly coming back to. the majority of 2016 was pretty fucking terrible, and i think looking back to the past was a way of avoiding what was happening in the present, and it's only now, with a small handful of exciting opportunities that have come my way, that i'm starting to believe things might just work out once i leave uni and find myself without the structure of education. 

the thing i've found hardest to deal with since moving away is the realisation that my life will never be the same as it was before. sounds obvious, i know, but i naively assumed things would simply go back to how they were, and though part of me longs for that to happen, that sense of nostalgia clouds my judgement and makes me forget that things were actually Not That Great. though i wish i'd appreciated spending nearly every day with my best friend, the pressure of getting into uni was having a catastrophic effect on my mental health, and i found myself doubting everything when my a-level results weren't what i was hoping for. fast forward nearly three years and i'm actually excited for the future, and have come to accept that things - and people - change, and that's okay.

this sense of nostalgia has definitely crept into the music i've been listening to this week, as i found myself properly listening to my chemical romance for the first time in a long time. i never fully recovered from their split in 2013, and avoided listening to them because it just hurt too much, but i think i'm finally reaching the point where i can listen to the kids from yesterday, summertime, bulletproof heart, i don't love you and of course i'm not okay, and only cry just a tiny bit. 

i've also been listening to the latest song from the chainsmokers a lot, but before you judge me, i recommend listening to the lyrics of paris, which deal heavily in nostalgia and remind me of how me and my best friend felt before we moved away to uni in the summer of 2014. if we go down, then we go down together / we'll get away with everything / let's show them we are better, goes the chorus, and looking back on the last few years, we've certainly got away with a fair few things our parents would probably be best not knowing. i only hope the future holds more exciting times for us, wherever it takes us. 

another band i never thought i'd enjoy listening to is bring me the horizon, whose 2015 track follow you was played on nick grimshaw's radio one breakfast show last friday (which the light of my life matty healy co-hosted). it's considerably less heavy and shows the full vocal range of frontman oli sykes, and whenever i think of the band, i have fond memories of one of my friends from school and i, as we both had a crush on oli. we also loved bands who were slightly more ~alternative~ such as you me at six and all time low, both of whom we went to see live, arriving at the venues early and queuing all day in the freezing cold with hopes of seeing them up close. it may be a far cry from my current love of pop music, but my devotion to these bands was no less intense, and though it's embarrassing to say, they got me through some difficult times. for that i'll be forever thankful, and though i may not listen to them much anymore, and my friend and i aren't close like we used to be, that sense of nostalgia still comes through when i listen to follow you.

finally, one of my favourite youtube people helen anderson posted a lookbook that doubled as a music video for her excellent cover of 17 by youth lagoon, one of those songs i'd listen to as a teenager that made me feel incredibly cool thanks to its ~indie~ status. (god i was embarrassing.) having heard the song again, i've had it on repeat all week and the lyrics still resonate with me as i spend a lot of time daydreaming, so much so that i read this article the other day and worried it might actually be a serious problem, though as i said, when times are difficult, this imaginary world feels like the only thing i've got. 

i get the sense that trevor powers, (formerly) the man behind youth lagoon, felt the same when he wrote 17 as he was receiving counselling for anxiety, something i can relate to all too well. the line when i was 17 / my mother said to me / "don't stop imagining, the day that you do is the day that you die" still resonates with me, and i think there's nothing wrong with daydreaming so long as it doesn't interfere with real life. knowing when to draw that line has always been difficult for me, but i truly think things can only get better from here. as all time low once said, maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year. 

a playlist of these songs, and more i've enjoyed this week*, can be found here. 

*these two aren't on spotify but i had to include the long-awaited new track from findlay and arcade fire's anti-trump anthem i give you power.

new (and old) music friday #12: fleetwood mac, oh wonder, erasure, U2

i'm not normally one for new year's resolutions but one of my aims for the year was to try and post here more regularly, and so i present another round-up of my favourite songs from the last week. 

1. fleetwood mac

while at home last weekend i watched an excellent BBC 4 documentary about the band, titled don't stop, which can be found here. as a result, i was reminded of how much i love their eleventh (!!) album rumours, as most people probably do. i've been listening to it, as well as some of their 80s hits big love, everywhere and little lies, and trying desperately not to cry every time i hear landslide. if you can make it through the entire song without shedding at least one tear, i applaud you. 

2. oh wonder

this next artist is one i've heard of thanks to troye sivan professing his love for them on many occasions, but i'd never properly listened to them until i was creating the playlist for this week's post. when i searched for the song "landslide" the first track that appeared on spotify was not the fleetwood mac version, but instead a track of the same name by oh wonder. intrigued, i listened to it, and the rest of their self-titled debut album, and was suitably impressed. my favourite tracks include body gold, heart hope, plans, and technicolour beat. 

3. bebe rexha

another artist who i'd heard of a while back, who found fame after the release of a track with nicki minaj, bebe rexha's latest offering i got you is an infectiously catchy club bop, and in the video she serves some serious Looks, with the whole thing reminiscent of shania twain's video for that don't impress me much. if you ask me, it won't be long before clubs up and down the country are putting this song on their playlists, but until then it remains a firm fixture in my Getting Ready To Go Out playlist. 

4. erasure

leave it to my mother to introduce me to some of the most excellent, somewhat obscure 80s bands. while back home, she insisted on playing me blue savannah by erasure, and though i didn't take to it at first, i've now been playing it on repeat, as she knew i eventually would. next time i go home i'm sure she won't be surprised to hear me asking her to play it when we indulge in another music fest from the comfort of the living room. 

i also highly recommend a little respect, a song that brings back fond memories of my best friend and i driving down the motorways of our tiny suburban town with this song at full volume. we also made it our karaoke song of choice one night in a bar on canal street, but the man in charge obviously deemed us too drunk as we never got to perform it, though it was probably for the best. 

5. U2

again, my mother introduced me to this song, the unforgettable fire, which is the only one by U2 i will (probably) ever enjoy. the only other exception is this cover of where the streets have no name by 30 seconds to mars, which my 16 year old self devoured, and it still gives me goosebumps to this day. the band have enjoyed somewhat of a resurgence lately with the announcement of their tour in support of 1987's joshua tree, with support from noel gallagher. if oasis still have no plans to reform, perhaps this is the closest fans will get to seeing the legend live, but i'm still holding out hope that one day the boys from burnage will come together once more.

this week's playlist can be found here. 

new (and old) music friday #11: the weeknd, george michael, tove lo, pet shop boys

my last new music friday came in the form of a podcast, but this week it's back to basics with a good old written post about my favourite new - and old - releases.

1. the weeknd

the 80s resurgence of late shows no signs of slowing down, with the release of starboy, the latest release from the weeknd. though it came out in november, it was only in the last month that i got into it after hearing lead single starboy in a (depressingly empty) club one night. the influence of dance pioneers daft punk can be heard on this track, as well as i can feel it coming, a smooth-as-silk ode to a lover, but it's secrets, which samples tears for fears excellent 1983 track, pale shelter, that is my current favourite. 

2. george michael

news of the legend's passing on christmas day shocked the world, with my best friend and i, both home for the festive season, finding out the news while drinking in a local pub. luckily we got to watch some of our old classmates from high school embarrass themselves doing karaoke, which softened the blow slightly, but in a year where we lost so many important queer icons, it did ruin the night ever so slightly. the last few weeks have seen me revisit some of my favourite tracks from the man himself as well as his band wham!, including club tropicana, wake me up before you go-go, young guns (go for it!) and careless whisper, which is, in my opinion, one of the best pop songs ever created. 

3. tove lo

after reading this article on autostraddle, a link in the comments redirected me to fairy dust, the film accompanying swedish songstress tove lo's second album, lady wood. though i didn't really understand what was going on for the majority of the video, it did remind me of her ability to create an excellent pop song, specifically true disaster, influence, cool girl and lady wood. 

4. pet shop boys

though i've discussed this band at length before, i rediscovered them on new year's eve, which was spent alone listening to everything from 80s cheese a la rick astley to fame monster-era lady gaga, and listening to electric and super at full volume got me ridiculously excited to see the pet shop boys live with my mother next month. 

5. hannah diamond

again, i've talked about PC music here in the past, but hannah diamond's latest track, fade away has reminded me of how much i love them. a bittersweet ode to a lover who just won't commit, the songs lyrics contrast brilliantly with the party-ready beats the collective has become known for, while the video has all the makings of those lyric videos people would upload to youtube before spotify became a thing. here's to hoping that 2017 brings a full length album from hannah, but in the meantime i'll have this song on repeat.

6. peter gabriel

oh the things one can discover when browsing the internet, specifically peter gabriel's 1986 album, and his best selling to date, so. annoyingly, the album can't be found on spotify, but i did stumble upon a full length version uploaded to youtube. it was only after re-reading this clash interview with the 1975, and hearing matty profess his love of the album, that inspired me to finally listen to it. i didn't know what to expect, but as soon as red rain began, i got that feeling deep inside where you just know that an album is going to resonate with you for years to come. side note: this quote full on made me cry (nothing new there) because it literally sums up all my feelings towards pop music:

“what do you want from pop?” he asks. “huge sentiment. the ability to lose yourself. if you believe the person delivering that, it’s pure.” like ‘1989’ or carly rae jepsen’s ‘E.MO.TION’, Album Two is an ode to the ’80s, but healy insists that his ’80s revival is the place where he “naturally arrives”. he talks about ’80s’ ideals and unabashed sonic excess, rather than specific 808s or The Terminator. “who didn’t like ‘i wanna dance with somebody’ or ‘so’ by Peter gabriel? we had permission to love,” he says. healy might not have a song titled ‘new romantics’ but if london’s blitz club was active now, it would be the 1975 who’d brush shoulder-pads with boy george and spandau ballet. he grabs his heart. he’d let me hold it if he could. “that's where my love for life lives: inside a big pop song."

that seems like an appropriate place to end - because how can i really top that - and as usual, a playlist with these songs (and more) can be found here.